Fetal Demise

Well, we didn't receive the best new this week. Tuesday I had an ultrasound and no heartbeat was found. I'm kind of bummed I never got to look at any of the ultrasound pictures. It puts me in a little bit of a denial that the baby is really dead. The doctor thinks it died at about 9 weeks and I was almost at 11 weeks. So now it's a waiting game. When will this miscarriage occur? Is it painful? Not fun. Scott didn't have any kind of attachment to it and it's not his body going through it so he's not affected by it at all. He thinks I shouldn't be either. He asked me last night...so will you be walking around depressed all the time from now on? I was a little taken aback. I thought I was handling it pretty well. Men, if they could just feel a tiny glimpse of what it's like to be a woman. I'm okay that this baby isn't coming. I know it's a natural thing for the body to do when something isn't developing right. I guess I'm just scared of the unknown that I'm now waiting for. I have the option of getting a D&C but it's way out of our price range with our deductible. Too bad. It'd kind of be nice to just have it over with. In the meantime I focus on my children who I love dearly. I know that we will have more. I know my heavenly father loves me and I can deal with this.